listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
