I'm eating all of the evidence.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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