so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
