I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
