I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
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