The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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