brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
