wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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