I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
Randomize
