Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
