apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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