If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize