Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
