it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
