Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
