Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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