We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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