i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
