i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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