Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
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