Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
