Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
