i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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