i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
