you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
