I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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