i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
