You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Screwed.edu
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Every concussion has its silver lining
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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