dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I still have a little drunk in my system
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
