things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
