areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
