I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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