So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
