There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I just found a bag of teeth...
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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