erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
