if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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