I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
