you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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