I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
