just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
