Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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