im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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