just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
