All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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