I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
