hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
