i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
love makes seman taste better
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Randomize
