So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
