You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Randomize
