There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
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